( Frank Bruni, circa a 1984 STYX concert)
Next month, Frank Bruni, the celebrated Chief restaurant critic for the New York Times will be exiting his post for greener pastures (he's just moving over to the Times Magazine so I'm guessing he keeps his old office). This very fat, very gay foodie, whose ten-year-old picture is seared into the retinas of petrified waiters city-wide, also tends to be hilarious when doling out his famed "goose-eggs" (that damning zero stars).
(If your restaurant includes Ninja waiters, do not expect high grades from Frank Bruni)
Here's an excerpt from his review of Ninja, which recieved a 'Poor':
"On my first visit, when I tried a $150 tasting menu with a dearth of culinary highlights but a surfeit of ninja pageantry, they reliably garnished this gesture with loud expectorations of a putative courtesy that sounded more like a rebuke, the phonetic rendering of which would be something along the lines of "Go-mayn!""
It only gets better, I promise:
http://events.nytimes.com/2005/10/26/dining/26rest.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1
I'm also partial to this little zinger from Bruni's takedown of Kobe Club, which also seems to be inspired, at least in some degree, by Ninjas (2,000 samurai swords dangle upside down from the ceiling):
"If Akira Kurosawa hired the Marquis de Sade as an interior decorator, he might end up with a gloomy rec room like this. Will the last samurai to leave please turn on the lights?"
Eater.com has a complete rundown of Bruni's 21 goose-eggs lain over his four years and I'm planning on reading, and savoring, them all.
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