Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Brick City




Brick City

There, up ahead,
a man pats an empty plastic bag, like a tambourine.
He shakes his head, side to side,
to side,
eyes glazed, marbled, cold.
Loosies, loosies, loosies,
the street sings.
Baby turtles scratch their plastic cages with tiny nails,
pawing furiously.
Loosies!
Shake your head, eyes to laces.
Add a brick.
Clickity-clack.
Clickity.
Clack.
Down the block, dark, hairy legs,
bowed out, ostrich-like.
Large calves, in a ruby-red skirt,
high-heels,
lumbering.
Loosies!
No, no, shake your head,
turn the music up.
Add a brick.
Shaggy! Shaggy!
Yeah you, you Scooby-doo,
mutha’ fucka’!
Add a brick.
Under the old RKO theater
small cherubs, open-mouthed, wide-eyed,
look down on the city.
Burned out windows,
pigeon shit,
sneaker shops,
below.
Prayer begins, the sirens shake pavement.
So many bricks,
so few buildings.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Quote of the day



I'm slowly working my way through the 2011 Booker Long List (link below), and I'm currently halfway through Carol Birch's Jamrach's Menagerie (think Life of Pi + The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet). It's one of those books that makes your television so very easy to ignore, and that makes you wish that someone finally, finally, invented the never-ending novel. It's that good. I'll have a full review when I'm finished.

"This got us onto the subject of Jamrach's and how I worked there in the yard, and all the beasts that came and went over the years. It was the mention of the silent bird room that got him. I told him how they sat there unmoving in those tiny boxes, songbirds with locked throats, and he said that was all wrong. He said he hated to see a bird in a cage. "It's something to do with the wings," he said. "It's when they can't open them up."
We smoked silently and I thought about how that room had saddened me as a child, but I had grown used to it over the years as it became an everyday thing. It was just how the world was."

http://www.themanbookerprize.com/news/stories/1514


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Monster Bug Wars is one bat-shit crazy television show



Monster Bug Wars, a 60 minute television show currently airing on the Science Channel, is absolute insanity. You're probably asking yourself (a) what is Monster Bug Wars? or (b) what is the Science Channel? or more likely than not, you've never heard of either. The show and the channel bill themselves as "educational" television, but if this is what's teaching our children, God help us all.

So what, exactly, is Monster Bug Wars? Though it may sound like a SyFy channel movie of the week (e.g. Mega Python vs. Super Spider), if you DVRd the show in hope of some epic cheese you're going to be in for a bit of a letdown. The show pits a variety of bugs up against one another, and with footage captured from somewhere deep in the wilderness (probably a backyard in Echo Park), over the course of the hour, five bugs (from five 'fights') are crowned heavy weight champions of the grossest and lowest chain of the animal kingdom (the other five contestants die terrible, icky deaths). If this show doesn't sound absurd enough by this point, Monster Bug Wars launches itself into the ultimate drinking game stratosphere by adding the most ridiculous elements I've ever seen in a so-called "educational" television program.


First, before each bout, an insect "expert" from so and so university introduces each combatant. This is sort of like how HBO had Fight Camp 360: Pacquiao vs. Mosley except it's absolutely nothing like that. We hear about how ferocious each competitor is and what we can expect from their Mortal Combat finishing move ("watch out, because this ant can lift a thousand times its body weight! That's like if you could life 15,000 pounds!").

Simultaneously we're treated to some nifty CGI, because if the National Spelling Bee and the PGA get computerized intros, then there's no way we don't get to see a CGI Praying Mantis with claws that sound like Morimoto's knives getting sharpened. If you get your rocks off to quick CGI zooms of pincers, stingers, and fuzzy mandibles, then these segments will probably make your head explode.

But it's in post-production sound editing where Monster Bug Wars really shines. Take for instance the fire ant. Whenever said fire ant (CGI or actual fire ant) zoom-ins occur we get A TIGER GROWL. I shit you not. For beetles, Monster Bug Wars often employs the call of the majestic elephant. I had no idea the two were related, but now, thanks to this show, I have some amazing little informational tidbits to drop over small talk at cocktail parties. When I try to imagine how the wizards over at Monster Bug Wars managed to pull off these sound effects, I envision a tiny, one-inch man, out there in the somewhere in field, gently (yet simultaneously pissing in his miniature pants) leaning a boom mic as close as possible up to an ant's pincers.


[The Starship Troopers camera guy was shrunk down to the size of your pinky in hopes of obtaining the mythical roar of the fire ant.]

So, in summation, Monster Bug Wars is one of the greatest and most educational shows on television. I can also vouch for it as a fantastic drinking game. During the course of five bug battles, a litany of things can be won and lost on the outcomes a title card fights starring, for example, GIANT SCORPION vs. MAMMOTH WOOLY SPIDER. And yes, the mammoth wooly spider sounds like a bug from Starship Troopers, in case you were wondering.

So the next time your friend tells you he's watching UFC #771 for 79.99 you tell him you're watching TRAP-JAW vs. ANT LION, for FREE.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Review: Snowdrops




Snowdrops
, the debut novel by A.D. Miller (current editor for The Economist) shortlisted earlier this year for the Man Booker award, is a superb character study that simultaneously paints a vibrant picture of the oil-rich and over-banked Moscow of the mid-2000’s. For someone about to embark in career of corporate law it’s also harrowing.

Snowdrops’ protagonist, Nick Platt, is a mid-30’s ex-pat corporate attorney in the “Wild West” years of Moscow. It’s the heyday of 2000 boom and money is flowing into Moscow as fast as oil wells are drilled. Nick’s law firm facilitates loans to quasi-gangster/quasi-corporate companies popping up throughout the country, and during his stint overseas, Nick becomes romantically involved with a beautiful Russian, Masha, and her sister. The sisters slowly involve Nick (or Kolya, as they call him) in a scheme which evolves as the novel pushes along, with Miller skillfully conveying the frozen Moscow wasteland, debauched nightlife, and moral ambiguity of the period throughout.

I recently read a negative review of Snowdrops which claims that the “twist” comes too soon; because the reader knows what Nick does not so early in the novel, Snowdrops, as a “thriller”, fails. Perhaps as a “thriller” Snowdrops is a failure. But the reviewer misses the point. Snowdrops is not a “thriller”, not really. The schemes involved are not particularly elaborate, and as the reviewer notes, are telegraphed early in the novel. Instead the real question the reader grapples with throughout is how an educated British corporate lawyer became so easily duped. In answering the question we circle back to why I found Snowdrops so harrowing.

Nick is not a particularly engaging character and maybe that’s why his decisions throughout the novel are so fascinating. There is no indication of much in the way of a personality; while the book reads as a manifesto of his descent in moral ambiguity (written to his current wife (finance?)) we get no sense of character behind Nick’s words. He has no true friends (sans an alcoholic reporter and a superior at his firm), and has a strange and awkward relationship with his family. Akin to his Russian surroundings he is cold and passionless. This is what I think the book is largely getting at – Nick is a man going through the motions; no purpose, and no love. There is one moment in novel when he mentions he may not make partner in his law firm, but it is a throwaway. His relationship with Masha, no matter how fabricated, gives his life a spark worth writing about; she takes him to clubs, involves him in threesomes - she makes him feel needed and loved. Far from the life of a mid-30’s corporate attorney, Masha makes Nick feel young, with a life ahead really worth living. His relationship with Masha, coupled with the allure of Moscow, are an oasis which Nick, as shell of man (no matter how educated), is willing to to keep alive, even if it means jettisoning reality and rationality.

Snowdrops left me sympathetic with Nick’s decisions, at least in some respects. That alone is troubling. You pity Nick. You wonder how many lives play out in this world along the same lines. Ninety hour weeks of diligence for a transaction that may never happen. That shot at partnership for ten years of silence. Moscow, in all its fake glitter, fake wealth, and fake smiles, gave Nick two years more truly alive then London could give him in a lifetime as a corporate attorney. Even in the face Nick’s moral’s decisions, when Masha’s ploy has long been laid out in front of him, when the time for willful blindness has ended, Nick yearns for Moscow, for Masha.

What does it say when you’d knowingly accept a forged life in place of your own? Snowdrops is no thriller. At least not for me.